Contrasts and Farewells

Hello everyone,

After a long time, and with the arrival of winter, it felt like it was time for a new article. Even though this article might feel a bit somber, it's about one of life’s harsh truths that we often choose not to think or talk about. I suppose it's a small privilege evolution—or God, or whatever you believe in—has granted to all living beings.

The topic of this article is death. But I want you to think of death as a concept. I want to explore why the reality of death should make us love life even more. Not as a salvation, annihilation, or punishment, but as a natural fact—just like life itself.

Last winter, while wandering around a bookstore in Ankara, I picked up a box called "Writing to the Bone"—a set of cards meant to prompt you to write. A moment ago, I randomly picked one of the cards, and it read: “What will you have to say goodbye to when you die?” This is a topic that many of us might not want to dwell on, and perhaps even feel saddened by. But I’d like to approach it from a different perspective. So I said, “Come on, Melis, let’s see what you’ll have to say goodbye to,” and here I am now.

So, if you're ready, here we go 😄

But first...

Humans and Death: What Is It to Die, Really?

By nature, humans are organisms that live as if they’ll never die. While our brain struggles to accept aging or illness, expecting it to come to terms with death? Well, the brain is still full of mysteries. Even though evolution has equipped us with various mechanisms to stay alive, even at the very moment of death, for now, it seems there’s no escape from it.

When I look at the modern world and human history, I can't help but think that perhaps it's best that humans are mortal. Because the very awareness of mortality is what makes us both creative and destructive. Humanity’s obsession with immortality fuels a pursuit of eternity in everything it creates. Without death, would we strive so hard to live? Perhaps we would give up at the first hardship and remain as primitive beings incapable of reaching today's civilization or technology. Even evolution itself operates with the presence of death—to constantly create organisms that can survive the longest, we must change and adapt. Death gives our existence, our struggles, and life itself its meaning.

Most philosophies, religions, and teachings emphasize the importance of opposites. Without darkness, there is no light; without bad, there is no good; without life, there is no death. All the concepts created by humanity arise from these contrasts. While Zeus symbolizes light, life, and brightness, his brother Hades represents darkness, shadows, and death. In astrology, some planets represent our darker sides, others our light. I don’t believe in astrology, but I’ve always found it fascinating how humans try to find meaning in the stars. So, does the universe really operate through opposites? If you think deeply, you’ll realize there is only one true contrast: life and death. Everything else is shaped by cultures, beliefs, and societies. What is good in one society may be bad in another. Even the perception of good or bad can vary depending on the situation. But we never hear the phrase “commonly accepted definition of life or death,” do we? That's why life and death are the only true opposites that cannot exist without each other.

Now that we’ve grasped this view of opposites and existence, let’s talk about what I will have to say goodbye to when I die.

Is Death a Goodbye?

Death is often seen as a goodbye. An ending, a separation... But is it really? Some beliefs view it as a beginning, as eternity. If you’ve ever had the chance to observe nature, you’ll notice that in nature, death doesn’t truly exist. Every living thing transforms into something else. Some even get reborn. So, what truly dies? If our soul is immortal and our bodies transform, then what is death? Death is a farewell to this body, this moment in time. There will never again be the same collection of atoms to form this particular Melis. Even if someone looks like me in the future, they can’t exist in this exact moment. So death is saying goodbye to the present time.

I know—it feels like a maze of thoughts, one that's impossible to escape. But think about it, and you'll understand what I mean.

When I die—and I have no idea when that will be—the first thing I’ll say goodbye to will be my body. The skin I wore, which we constantly find flaws in, especially shaped and reshaped by societal norms, particularly for women in modern times. I’ve always admired what my body can do, so yes, it will be sad to leave such an incredible machine behind. But they say I won’t even be aware of it, right?

Of course, like all organisms, the process will occur—and my atoms will unite with others in a tree, a raindrop, or in countless other unimaginable places, gaining new forms and abilities. But what about Melis? That’s the part we both know and don’t know. It all depends on what you believe in.

My loved ones... I think the real reason we fear death so much is the thought of being separated from the people we love—and not knowing if we’ll ever reunite. But don’t we sometimes have to be apart from loved ones even while alive? Sometimes we say goodbye, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes things remain unfinished, and sometimes they complete. If we’re lucky, when we leave this world at the right time in the life cycle, even if we don’t leave behind someone connected by blood, we know we’ll leave behind people we’ve touched—big or small. They say death is hard for those who remain behind... but what if it’s not just hard for them?

Another thing I’ll give up—and this may sound materialistic—is everything humans have created. All those cosmic discoveries, scientific facts, brand-new music, magnificent art, unforgettable films... Immortality, especially the kind we’ve projected onto vampires 😄, is desirable mostly for this reason: to witness what will be created next. Most of us, especially those passionate about something, would want immortality just to see how far things will go. But it’s good we’re not immortal—because if we were, we wouldn’t be as curious or productive. We wouldn’t strive to achieve great things in such a short life. The idea of endless time could lead to a terrifying sense of meaninglessness.

Perhaps the hardest goodbye is the realization that we won’t be a part of someone else’s future.

I’ll be saying goodbye to the chance to say goodbye. The fact that we don’t know when we’ll die means many things may be left unfinished: a word, a project, a life, a love. So again, the presence of death reminds us to live. Not knowing the time teaches us not to delay things—in work, in relationships. “I’ll make peace in three days, finish it tomorrow, travel there next year…” How confident we are that we’ll still be here five minutes from now, aren’t we? Yes, you’re right, the dead won’t care anymore—but what about those who remain? And who knows—maybe even the dead do care about unfinished business. Isn’t that what ghost stories are really about? Spirits unable to leave because something was left unresolved. Just look at how creative the human mind can be!

I’ll say goodbye to starry skies, moonlight, lush forests, swimming in deep seas, and spending hours doing the sports I love. I hope when we die, these stay with us. That’s probably all I can say about that. 😂

Are we talking about a complete disappearance? Or doors opening to a new world? How many times have you died in a dream? Is it a simulation? Parallel universes? Is there only one Melis? Or millions of souls that appear like Melis? According to the parallel universe theory, every choice creates a new Melis, doesn’t it? Then can we really talk about one soul? It’s all so complicated. I agree!

In my opinion, the presence of death is what makes life meaningful. We shouldn’t stop living fully, savoring every moment, feeling every emotion deeply, and most importantly, leaving behind beautiful traces. If the only thing we truly take with us is ourselves, then perhaps the most beautiful goal is to live quietly but meaningfully. What do you think?

The things we’ll give up aren’t that important—what truly matters are the traces we leave behind.

The most important thing is to rediscover what we gave up while alive! To not say goodbye to some things while we still have time. Don’t forget to smile, despite everything.

With love,Melis