The Urban Belonging Guide: Finding Your Place in the City

Hello Again with the Third Chapter of TuruncuParantez!

Most of us feel a deep connection and sense of belonging to the cities where we were born or spent our childhood and youth. But for various reasons — work, marriage, education — we often have to leave behind those cities we feel most rooted in. The result? A city full of people who seem unhappy, distant, and a little lost.

Maybe it’s because I’m an urban planner, but I believe the main reason we don’t feel like we belong — even in the places we live or travel to — is that we don’t really know those cities. We don’t try to understand them.

We must approach cities the same way we approach people.Just as we can’t love or trust someone without knowing their past, we can’t truly feel connected to a city unless we’re aware of its story — how it came to be, what it has experienced, what it has lost or held on to over time.

Our feelings of disconnection with a city are often the same as the emotions we experience when surrounded by unfamiliar people — distant, cautious, and cold. That emotional gap leads to dissatisfaction, frustration, and a constant search for a “better” place.

So, even if I’m only visiting a city briefly, I always start by learning its name.I ask myself:What does this name mean?Where does it come from?What kind of life has this city lived?What are its stories, its memories, its pain and joy?

This is how I build emotional ties with a place.I seek shared values, interests, or traits — just as I do when making new friends.Some cities become lifelong companions. Others remain distant acquaintances.But in every city, I discover something about myself.

That’s exactly what happened with Fethiye.

Fethiye: A City of Silence and Scented Winds

For many years, Fethiye was just a place I passed through during summer vacations.A beautiful stop on the way to somewhere else.But when I began spending longer periods here, I realized Fethiye was not just a beach town — it was an ancient city with a rich, deeply rooted story.

Did you know Fethiye was once called Telmessos?And that it was the most important city of ancient Lycia?They say its name comes from the son of the god Apollo — a young man named Telmessos who was born from a mysterious love story involving a mortal woman.

This is where the story of a “city” becomes something more.When you start associating a place with legends, emotions, and ancient footsteps, your gaze softens. You begin to feel the presence of past lives in the air.The silence of the stone ruins speaks to you.You no longer just see a place — you feel it.

The ancient theater near the harbor, the tombs carved into the cliffs, the strong winds that sweep through the streets at sunset — all become part of your emotional map.The markets, the quiet cafés, the scent of the sea — they are no longer just scenery, but something you carry inside.

Belonging Isn’t Always Immediate — Sometimes, It’s a Choice

It’s okay if you’ve never felt a sense of belonging to the city you live in.Some people grow up in the same house for decades and still feel like strangers in their own neighborhood.Others move somewhere completely new and fall in love with it in just a week.

Belonging isn’t always immediate — and it isn’t always magical.Sometimes it’s something you build over time.Sometimes, it’s something you choose.

You choose to know your city.You choose to walk its streets with curiosity.You choose to find beauty in its flaws.And when you do, something shifts. You begin to feel less like a visitor and more like a participant — someone who belongs.

So, Where Do We Begin?

Begin by asking your city questions.Where does its name come from?What civilizations once lived here?What stories do its walls, streets, and hills whisper?

Explore with intention.Read about its history.Talk to people who grew up here.Find the local spots that hold memories.Visit the ruins, the museums, the cemeteries, the forgotten corners.And if your city doesn’t offer any of that — then start with the trees, the buildings, the old roads.Everything has a past. Everything has a story to tell.

Sometimes, you don’t need a new city — you just need new eyes.And sometimes, the act of trying is what leads you home.

In the End…

The idea of “home” isn’t always tied to the place we were born.Sometimes, home is where you finally feel seen, heard, and understood — even if by ancient stones and silent winds.Fethiye reminded me of this.It taught me that cities, like people, are full of layers.And only when we’re willing to dig beneath the surface can we find the version of them that speaks to us.

So, if you feel lost or out of place, maybe it’s not because you don’t belong — maybe you just haven’t looked closely enough.

Here’s to discovering new places, new feelings, and perhaps, a new version of ourselves along the way.Thanks for reading.